Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

As grandparents, we usually have the benefit of interacting with our grandkids on a level that is once removed from the day-to-day responsibilities of being parents. This often means an occasional weekend together, afternoon playdate or evening babysitting, perhaps a summer vacation. But when life changing events occur, it often falls to grandparents to assume full- or part-time responsibility for the grandchildren.

According to the U.S. Department of Labor’s latest numbers, 2.74 million children (3.7% of all children in the U.S.) are being raised by one or both of their grandparents. Many factors may contribute to the prevalence of, and the geographic variations in, families with grandparents raising their grandkids. These include poverty, parental incarceration, maternal mortality, parental illness, single parent families and military deployments. No matter how much you love your grandkids, raising them comes with many challenges as well as rewards.

Also known as “kinship care,” a growing number of grandparents are stepping into the parenting role. This often means giving up leisure time, travel, and other aspects of independence. Instead, you’ll be taking on the day-to-day responsibilities of maintaining a home, schedules, meals, and homework. Additionally, if your new role is the result of tragic circumstances, you may be facing stress factors such as coping with your own and your grandchildren’s grief.

While raising your grandchildren can be challenging, it can also be incredibly rewarding. You can derive immense satisfaction from providing your grandchildren with a safe, nurturing, and structured home environment in which to grow and feel loved. In order to realize all the possible benefits, here are some tips for grandparents raising their grandkids.

• Acknowledge your own feelings. The prospect of raising your grandchildren can illicit a range of emotions. This can include positive feelings of love and joy, but also feelings like resentment, guilt, or fear. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not beat yourself up.
• Take care of yourself. You probably weren’t expecting to be raising grandkids at this point in your life. There will be times when the physical, emotional, and financial demands will feel overwhelming. That makes it critical for you to take care of yourself and find the support you need. Taking care of yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. You can’t be good caregiver if your exhausted. Support can be found in a close friend or relationship, support groups, childcare options in the community, or nearby parents with children.
• Realize that your grandkids have mixed feelings too. Moving into a new home is never easy for children, even under the best of circumstances. It becomes harder when they also have to deal with the loss of contact with their parents, whether it’s temporary of permanent. They will require time to adjust. And if the children have suffered emotional neglect, trauma, or abuse, those wounds will not simply disappear because they are now in a safe place. They will need help and time to heal.
• Focus on creating a stable environment. There are steps you can take to help the grandkids adjust more quickly to their new environment. And they will thrive when that environment is stable and predictable. You should establish routine for mealtimes, bedtimes, and other activities. Encourage them to participate where they can, such as decorating their own room. Set clear, age-appropriate house rules to add to their feelings of security. Finally, make sure the grandkids get ample attention and one-on-one time with you.
• Encourage open and honest communication. One of the most important things you can do for your grandchildren during this time is to communicate openly and honestly with them. They will need an adult they can go to with their questions, concerns, and feelings. And it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” This is far better than avoiding a question or lying to them.
• Encourage contact with their parents. While it is not always possible for the children to remain in contact with their parents, or in the child’s best interest, it is generally more healthy for your grandchildren to maintain those relationships. If possible, include visits and other communications as part of their routine. Of course, these visits and communications may not always go well, so you’ll also need to help the children deal with disappointment.

Resources. There are many places to find assistance, including your church. Other options include Residing Hope Counseling (https://residinghope.org/counseling/) who offers therapeutic support and guidance for grandparents who suddenly find themselves in new roles. You can also find resources through the Florida Department of Children and Families (https://www.myflfamilies.com/).